February 1, 2010
I recently removed the post “A Dark Hour…” but I received a couple of emails, and I decided that I am reposting it. This blog is my diary. It is a view of my personal life, and I get to share that with whoever reads this. I know I have several readers because they never comment, but I do read your emails (I wish you would comment publicly more though!!) and my friends at school bring it up too.
I took it down because I feel it’s dark and I feel a little awkward about it being in the electronic world, but at the same time, I get to vent here. I get to say things uncensored and can be whitty or sad or angry, or a little of everything and it’s ok. I reposted it because it’s what is going on. But again, I don’t really have any close friends, most of them, we just lost contact after the army and others, well, they are now not with us either. So, I reposted “A Dark Hour…” and I’m going to keep writing. Be assured, dark days are dark days, but there’s a lot of interesting things going on now at school that I feel the desire to talk about too. some of them are very positive and I’m looking forward to showing the amazing light that can come out of the social haze that is law school. Thanks for reading, and don’t forget to establish your own little corner in your world, everyone needs one…
January 31, 2010
My family and I are dealing with some terrible news, and I’m going to write it here because I don’t have anyone close to talk to, so dear invisible friend:
Let me preface this by saying my four year old daughter loves her grandma, like no other person except for her brother on the planet. She talks to her all the time, she loves talking about her, she loves to pretend phone her, and she loves nothing more than the constant influx of packages and letters she gets from her in the mail (the only thing she loves more than beautiful dresses are Disney princesses). Three days ago we found out that her grandma has terminal cancer and has about three months to live. Dear god: how am I supposed to tell my four year old daughter, the girl who has one heaven sent fan, that her grandma isn’t going to be here anymore?
The only person who constantly loves and sends gifts to our baby girl besides my wife’s awesome sister, is her grandmother. My closest family (parents, brother, ect…) doesn’t even send her birthday or christmas cards for christ’s sake. So, how do I know that she will ask what happened to nanny, well, because whenever a box or the mail comes, she asks if it’s from nanny, and often it is. So how long can can she not get dresses before she realizes she needs to call nanny and ask why she didn’t send a new dress this month? How the fuck am I supposed to fix this? I feel horrible for my wife, she is very, very close to her nanny too, but she’s an adult and can grieve and I can hold her and do my best, but what the fuck am I supposed to do for my daughter?
My daughter thinks dying consists of sleeping and getting magic tears and fairy dust and everything is ok again, how do I ruin her of her lack of knowledge of this? I don’t really expect any comments because A) I am probably not going to tell her even if there is a good way and B)most of you don’t have kids so I don’t expect you can have any idea how goddamn horrible and wrenching and twisting my heart is inside, much less any valuable guidance to help me. I’m sorry to burden the net with my grief, but I don’t have any close family to rest on, so my apologies. I don’t know when I’m going to write again, I feel sick and I wish the worst thing in my life was law school, and I sincerely pray that none of you have to deal with this anytime soon.
January 26, 2010
This is in response to your email this morning, regarding stopping by your table and being one of the first 40 people to receive a certain fast food companies “breakfast burrito.” Rather than send this to you personally, I thought I’d save myself from being chewed out by our administration for being insensitive to the needs of any company that still employs law students, I’m posting this here at the corner, and maybe you’ll even see it!
re: Westlaw Breakfast Table:
Would that be the same “fast food chain” that is the largest producer/consumer/seller of dirty factory farmed hormone/antibiotic manipulated cheap ground up bleach soaked mash they alone term “meat?”? Lest we leave out the part about keeping the South American farmers it “employs” in poverty, followed by the minimum wage employees who must touch and play with it in order to get it from there to our mouth, in order to provide us with a cheap dirty nutritionally deficient meal? It’s safer to stay home and eat the dirt from my back yard, so thanks, but no thanks. As up and coming attorneys. I’d like to think our research companies would be a little more socially responsible. Couldn’t you have sent that fifty bucks to someone who can’t give their child breakfast and just given us another highlighter?
So dear readers, in case you didn’t figure it out, I have grown tired of giant corporations and their attempts to market their costly inefficient high priced junk. I have made a conscious decision to be a little more socially responsible, and in doing so, apparently, pissed off some of my peers. Sorry, but maybe since you are in law school you should pay a little more attention to who you receive “rewards” from, not to mention the crap you put in your mouth.
January 24, 2010
A few years ago, about 1996 or 1997, I wrote a book. I started a publishing company called “Highway Thirteen Publishing,” and self published two books, “Burdens,” and “Beyond Illusions,” and a book of an old friend under the label. As I began my third book, I ran out of money because my “friend” never paid me for all the copies of her book and I wasn’t able to recoup for some time (it’s not easy being an artist when you don’t have money or any financial support, much less a paying job). I still used the logo on everything I did, such as when I tried to design logos for local businesses, and a few other projects that I could never make money at (inexperience is a economic killer). Anyway, I have reopened the publishing company. Why?
I am recording a music album, and have decided that Highway Thirteen was my original stride into the writing world as a solo writer, and now as a solo musician, it is fitting that I bring back that once fairly successful part of me and take my life in my own hands for a while. I’m still going to school, yes, I am still looking for land for a farm, in fact, I have actually begun looking for land, I’m out of the research phase and hoping to get our farm going in the late spring after finals. It’ll be a year before the farm gets “seriously farming” but it’ll be something.
Anyway, I’ll keep you posted on the continuing saga of law school, and as my album progresses, maybe I’ll post some freebies for my readers. You can be sure I’ll post the link and more info when I get this done with Amazon and itunes. Have fun dear readers, it’s gonna be a long semester…
January 18, 2010
Grades were supposed to be in today, it’s what we call a deadline, it might also be a statute of limitations toll if this were real life and I was dealing with a case. Luckily, I have 2 of my 5 grades in. The other three professors, two of them are renowned for ignoring deadlines, and in fact, they ignore anything that is class work that comes at the same time as what ever they do in their spare time, because, well, students are a bother and we are lucky to have them as professors at all. I don’t feel lucky, I could and in fact, do, learn more from the nutshell in the last two weeks of school than the whole semester, as a general rule. Anyway…
If I pay my tuition past the “deadline,” I would be removed from class. If I miss three classes, they administratively remove me. But even though it’s been five weeks since finals, there are no grades in. Of course, since I’m in a tier four law school, I should be happy to be in law school at all right?
It seems to me, that you pay a lot more money the lower your school’s ranking, at least I do, but you will not get treated better than a student at a local community college. Maybe the local community college should get a law program.
January 12, 2010
If you get sick easily by reading gross things, um, TURN AWAY, I’m not kidding, this is serious, do not blame me if you keep going…
My favorite thing about being a parent is how often the kids are sick, and how often they throw up for no apparent reason, and finally, all the creative places they do it because young kids don’t really get the whole “I better get to the crapper cause I’m gonna puke” thing, you know? I wonder if they are training themselves to stay thin later in life (inappropriate, but I had say it because one of you, dear readers, thought it; besides, bones are beautiful)?
My daughter is four years old.
Tonight, I took a break for reading for admin law and bankruptcy procedure, and I cleaned up what my daughter thought I think of law school. We had pizza for dinner, she had four giant pieces, she threw up four giant pieces two hours later, barely digested, crust, cheese, sauce, ect… in the sink. It immediately clogged the drain, so it didn’t drain. I picked it out and threw it away, all four chewed up partially digested pieces.
Gross.
January 12, 2010
I’m growing tired of the middle of the boat. I’m cold, beside myself, wondering about the money that I feel more like I’m wasting than benefitting, and certainly too far in to get out. I’d like to excuse myself while I try to get some perspective, but the perspective is really a pinpoint view of a shitty economy and an academic area that is making it worse.
I’m really trying to figure out why the classes that I want to practice in, and have an actual interest in, why I can’t seem to do better than barely adequate, but the classes I have no interest in, I do well? WTF? I’m cold, so please excuse me while I warm up with some whiskey and a little self examination…
January 5, 2010
Thanks Thomson-West publishing for stealing from me, and every other law student that is required to buy your textbooks for the semester.
I just paid for my books for the semester. What a f{}ing rip off. I hate to use the f bomb, but I’m doing it. My tab: $954.86. Yeah, $954.86. Exactly. One text for trusts and estates, was literally $180.00, without tax of course. There is no book that a person in real life could use every day that is worth 180.00. It doesn’t help you pass the bar. It is full of excerpts/cuttings/rehashing of cases, the same one’s that we could get for free on Westlaw or Lexis by punching in the heading.
So, I paid more for books than I pay for rent for a month in my nice three bed room townhouse, and by the way, all of them are used except the wills text. And, I still have to pay at least 2,000 to take the bar prep class because you can’t use your law school stuff for the bar, because it’s not real law. Awesome.
As of this semester I’m in debt $117,000 and I still have one more year to go after this year. At my low ranked school, with me being solidly stuck in the middle of my class, all I can say is that I hope this farm thing pays out, because it’s not looking good economically at this point. How come plumbers make more than many attorneys? Oh yeah, I remember, they didn’t pay for seven years of school. I’m so glad I am going to law school today.
January 1, 2010
I have not been blogging lately, I have been spending time with the family. I have also been really putting the organic farm ideas the spin to figure out how I can start before I graduate. I don’t know if I can realistically, it’s a lot of money and time, unless I take the summer off, which I may. What do I foresee: a couple of short days a week at the crappy hardware store job, beach time, camping time, music time, and absolutely no law time. Hardly a new year resolution, but worth mentioning.
Second, I am by no means slacking off the xbox. Modern Warfare 2 is still my main game, although, I have been playing this ATV game called “pure” and am looking forward to battlefield 2, bad company. You get to have four teams online, and there are vehicles. It reminds me of Socom, on the playstation. I may get a ps3 so I can play some of their platform specific games. But I really am not sure how much I want to become a gamer, I kind of feel like I am already spread too thin. But then again, can a lawyer ever be spread too thin?
WWHD? I know what a hobo would do, he would tell me go get an ATV and get off the games. So, I may just do that. WWHD? What I would do…
December 20, 2009
It’s been four days of: Modern Warfare 2; pizza rolls; Alice In Chains, Pantera, and Helmet on the stereo; coffee and mountain dew; and the only time I thought about law school was when I contemplated going to the library to use some printer paper to print off some new music for my guitar. I didn’t though, I couldn’t stop playing xbox.
I think I have been over doing it a little with the xbox, so in order to curb it a little, I’m thinking of getting a playstation 3.
It’s break, it’s our break, and since I’m grown, I do what I want!
December 14, 2009
Law exams are exactly like that night you got drunk and brought a hot woman home. You worked hard all night, drinking, talking it up, acting like you were awesome, and you scored by bringing her home. Just like law school, you worked hard, drank a lot, got A’s (and that one B in anthropology, but seriously, who are they fooling, they can’t even get paying jobs outside of academia), you talked up yourself to the law school admissions people, and (maybe after some drinks themselves) they let you in. But my friends, there’s more here…
If you don’t perform well on a law school exam, you probably can’t blame it on having too much to drink right before the big act. See, that hot girl (law school looks awesome before you get to see it up close and personal) is now going to go tell all her (and your) friends how horrible you did on that one time, just like law exams. See, your prof is going to tell the whole interested world how terribly you performed for them. You only get one shot to impress both a hot girl, and the law professor. But, I guess if you fail the exam, unlike that hot girl at the bar, you get another shot next semester, not necessarily because you want to though.
Maybe no slate is worse than a dirty one?
December 12, 2009
In the spirit of the animal law course I will be taking next semester, and in the spirit of the old country:
I am a giant wooden club, law school exam: you are a baby seal
I’m finished with two, now, I’ve wiped myself off and am heading into round three. I feel like I’m becoming more like a plant more than a hobo…
December 9, 2009
Dear Santa Professor:
Please don’t fail me. Please dig deep into your bag of goodies and find a nice shiny brand new A for me this year! I have been pretty good: I came to your class (mostly), I answered some of your questions (right or wrong, who’s to say), I did some reading (in the hornbooks and nutshells), I outlined (actually a Mr. Gilbert outlined but I paid for it), and I even came in and followed the directions you provided on the final exam.
I will leave many cookies out (well, the broken one’s left from the many bags I’m eating right now) and some milk (that I bought for thanksgiving that no one wanted), please help yourself and enjoy it while you try to find your way through my muddy analysis of every question you asked me to answer, and remember, there’s no right answer, if the courts can disagree, so can we. Every attorney gets paid for the representation as long as it’s not negligent!
Sincerely,
Fat-Plaid-Shirt
December 8, 2009
So today, in fact three minutes ago, as I am finishing/beginning studying for tomorrows 4 credit tax final, I checked the page where my test number is, because everyone knows the exam is “anonymous.” Anyway, my rank officially jumped several spots! Yayy!! Now you see, here’s why I’m excited: I was in the exact middle of the class, literally, the corner in the middle (please see my blog title). But the last time I checked was right after summer grades came out, and the ranks hadn’t changed yet.
To change analogies, the middle of the boat. So, it’s like I am still seated in the middle of the boat, right, but my head is leaning over the shoulder of the seat in front of me! I’m breathing on the people who are a tenth of a point ahead of me now! The same air the amazing high ranking people are exhaling, I get to wash myself in as it rushes past me in the current that is the hurricane we came to play in! I can hear their sweat dripping as they row, I can almost see their veins pulse with the adrenaline-heavy blood coursing through their hardened hearts! I wish I had seen this change to my new position earlier, let’s call it barely above barely adequate! Yay for me! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some tax to study… I want a new seat to drag my corner to…
December 6, 2009
It’s interesting how your view of studying changes when you have a job. See, here’s the scoop. When you are looking for a job as a 1L, it’s hard to gauge what you should look for. You know that big firm jobs are given to top students. You know that every student on campus is looking for summer work, or any type of legal experience being it pro bono, a clerkship, a third year clinic, or other resume builder that one can muster. However, after first year grades come out, those students not at the top of the class tend to be a little disheartened and begin looking for supplementary work to pay bills and live on for the next year because grades matter, and we know it.
I fell into that trap, as did many, many of my peers. I don’t think it’s bad necessarily, as long as you don’t give up complete hope. Working a non-law related job brings in cash and shows that you can work while going to school. But it also adds to that amazing feeling of unemployability and of being another middle-of-the-road undesired law student, especially prevalent in today’s crappy legal job market. It’s easy for lower ranked students to stop looking altogether for work until after graduation because they want to pass the bar and begin looking seriously then, when they can actually practice. This is a terrible way to approach entry into the legal field, but it comes at a point when you don’t see many options, if any at all.
However, I have a job. I have a point to be here. I have more than a goal, I am already employed, and all my future requires is that I graduate being competent in the law, and pass the bar. It really does change how you approach school. Law school is still crap, and I don’t like it anymore than I did yesterday, but I view it now more like learning how to play well with my new “others.”
